Welcome to the Rut

I was just having a conversation with my husband. I live in a rut, where eating out is concerned. I know just what I like at each place I visit. I know what I want, and always order the same thing.

But now I feel out of whack when I go anywhere. I have found what works at Chick fil a and my favorite place, Francisco's. But one day I nearly had a stupid panic attack in McAlisters.

I know. I know. Just eat a salad, already. But what if I don't WANT a salad. What if I had salad for breakfast? It could happen!!

So, I find myself looking at a menu and salivating at the things I would normally choose.

Time to boot myself outta the rut where I feel weighed down by all the things I CAN'T have. I need to re-train my brain to look for things I CAN enjoy.

Meanwhile, I seem to have the same problem at home. After awhile, eggs every morning gets BORING...

I feel like Bubba. Fried eggs, boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, poached eggs...

Time to crack out that killer omelette recipe.

Wait.

That's eggs, too.

Hmm...

What Defines Us

"You are what you eat."

You know you have heard it before and laughed. But, though I am not a cup of tea and three soft boiled eggs right now, there is a bit of truth there.

My decisions define who I am. When I decided last week to enjoy the leftover mashed potatoes and chocolate cake until I had a carbohydrate headache, I chose to be who I have been, instead of changing into who I want to be.

And when I ate potato salad, macaroni and cheese, my bbq sandwich on a BUN, and STILL have a few bites of cake and pie, I was choosing, yet again, that enjoying something momentarily was more important than enjoying peace. Yes, peace with myself for making a good decision is peace.

But the sugar rush, including shakes and cold sweats and the resulting pounding headache reminded me for an extra day and a half that I did not choose well.

So, what else defines me? Is it a number? That is part of who I am, but sharing it here doesn't change what is. It doesn't change what people see when they look at me, and it doesn't change what I see when I see myself in a photograph. No one is surprised when they see my weight. They can tell by looking at me that I am obese. When they look at me, they see a FAT person.

This is why I post my weight here for God and everyone to see. Am I ashamed?

Yes.

But mostly, it is because that number is a reflection of an inherent weakness and lack of self-control, coupled with the coping skills of a woman who has been through a LOT of crap in her life. A woman who has built a wall of FAT to protect her from who she perceives herself to be, and what she knows she is capable of being. A woman who has created poor habits and cultivated laziness.

So I post it without reservations. Because I choose to NOT be her any more. I choose to let myself heal from the pain of my past. I choose to be different from the skeletons in my closet, and not be lazy and secretive now.

I won't let the number on the scale define who I am or dictate the choices I make today.

And today I weighed in at 252.6 (up .6 lbs)

Do-Over

Whew! What a week!

Let's just say I didn't have a good one and move on, shall we?

Nah... In the spirit of full disclosure, Imma tell you how it all went down.

So, after a good week last week, and a happy number on the scale, I decided to make Monday my cheat day. So far, so good. But I went a little far. There were leftovers from Monday, so Tuesday became a cheat day, as well.

Not too bad, but I went to do stairs and jump rope and do a little walking/jogging Tuesday afternoon. Still good.

Then I was introduced to the shin splint. I'm not sure what I was doing differently than before, but I was in a lot of pain for the next few days, wherein I got NO exercise.

Top that with starting my period and all the chocolate craving that includes, and I didn't make very good choices At. All.

Also, somehow I managed to forget my daily Victoza shots for a couple days. My "want-er" was Out. Of. Control...

So, after yesterday's carb-filled Day O Family Fun, I'm not thinking the scale is gonna like me too much tomorrow.

But you know what? I'm not going to let that get me down. We all have bad days, bad weeks, bad months. Shoot! I've had some pretty bad YEARS! I'm going to take some ibuprofen to get me through this carb hangover today, dust myself off, and get right back on that treadmill!

Achieving My Future

I told you that I had my picture taken.

I have the giant 10x13 on the front of the refrigerator.

When I brought it home and put it there, my son found some magnetic words to put above it for inspiration.

Indeed.

Monday Update

I had a rather decent week last week, so I continued through the weekend. Usually, I cheat one or both of those days, but after the weekend before, I didn't want to undo any of the good I had done.

I ate right.

I even got some exercise in.

And a few people stopped me Sunday to encourage me, which I just LOVE.

So I wasn't too worried when I went to weigh in today, although I like to go in the morning, but didn't get to the doctor's until after noon.

I'm down five pounds more. Current weight: 252

WAHOO!!

Which means I have LESS THAN 100 POUNDS LEFT!

Hop Along

So, the jump rope thing...

I really like jumping rope.

It doesn't hurt when I do it. It doesn't even hurt later that day.

But the next day and night I feel like someone used my rib cage for a punching bag. I'm guessing it's because when I jump, there's more movement of body than would be on the average person.

I'll just let that image sink into your brain.

So last night, when I could barely breathe, I decided to try something new. Usually, I take about 3-5 days to recover, but I decided to get back on the horse.

I got out my jump rope again.

This time, I was wearing my Spanx. (lovingly known as my science fiction magic pants....)

And it DIDN'T HURT!!

(until I crawled into bed.)

Making Do

We had a little electrical fire at our church Wednesday, which means the gym is closed for a little while.


But I didn't let that stop me...

I just ran stairs and jumped rope and did bleacher push-ups until I looked like this...

I have been eating pretty strictly, since I didn't do too great last week, so I have hopes for better numbers when I weigh in on Monday.

Meanwhile, keepin' it real, folks.

Inching Along...

After a week of victory, and a couple days working kitchen duty for a church youth event, I am happy to say I am a loser.

A big fat one, HAHAHAHA!

Okay, so not a total loser, as I might have hoped.

I lost a whoppin' pound.

Baby steps, people!

No, really... I did well until I had to be cooking carbs for a bunch of kids. In the midst of taco night, complete with brownies, and chicken nuggets and mac & cheese lunch on Saturday, coupled with home baked chocolate chip cookies, of which I may have eaten a few, I didn't do all that great.

But considering all the things I didn't eat, I should get SOME credit!!

I figure I will see some difference after this week if I drink plenty of water and eat right. I'll let you know.

Meanwhile, Imma have to log onto my other computer to update my ticker with my new and improved weight...