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Monday, November 26, 2012

The Mirror

I had a good laugh with the Lord this morning. Actually, it began with tears, then swelled into laughter as I realized what I was saying to Him.

Recently I posted on my facebook page something about how awesome it is that whatever I am trying to teach my children always coincides with what God is teaching me. Those weren't the exact words, but it was close. So yesterday Hailey and I had a typical altercation, wherin I told her to do something and she came back with all the reasons why she didn't need to do it. As you can expect, it escalated into a fight. She even went so far as to accuse me of picking the fight. I turned it right back on her. I told her that I did not accept responsibility for the friction between us, because I have been training her for fourteen years to just OBEY, and if she had just done THAT, there would have been no fight at all.

Fast forward to today. As I was in the shower pouring my heart out to the Lord, I broke down in tears and confessed my sin of disobedience. I wasn't at all obedient over the weekend. Oh, I stayed within my points, but that isn't the, er... point. I did not eat right at lunch yesterday. I did all the things I know better than to do. I ate standing up. I ate too quickly. I ate right over the food, as if I were a dog, who had to guard the food bowl, lest another dog get any of it. I ate a second helping, even though I heard God clearly tell me to put it down. But I had all the excuses flying in my head and I exercised zero self-control.

So this morning I got up with a resolve to do better. To BE better.

Who am I kidding?

I have all the resolve of an Olympic athlete to work out in the morning, as I lie in my bed at night. Then the morning comes and I have a headache. Or a hip ache. Or my foot feels like it's broken.

So I excuse myself.

The same thing goes for eating. I resolve to eat healthy portions. I plan just what I will eat. Then I fix my plate, and my portion looks pitiful, so I super-size it. I have no strength to say no to my mouth.

Meanwhile, in the shower, I was confessing these things to God, and telling Him I have no strength to make right choices, asking for His supernatural strength, reminding Him of His promises, and praising Him that He is a promise keeper. Just then I said these words, "Please give me the strength to just obey instead of arguing with You." And it hit me. I burst out laughing!

God made me her mother. God knew that I needed her to remind me of who I am. He loved me enough to give me a perfect mirror of myself to raise, so I would hear His voice.

He is so amazing!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Song of Moses

Last night was our community Thanksgiving service. The message was a blast of light upon the freedom I have been granted in Christ, and today I want to SING it! I want to SHOUT it!

Whoa, Nellie! Let me back up and explain myself.

I have seen very close friends struggle with what looked (to me) like devastating circumstances. Lost children, lost jobs, lost homes, lost marriages, etc. And I have been amazed at how they have gone through these terrible things and still relied on the Lord. I've never actually admitted this, but deep, WAY deep down inside I've been a TINY bit jealous that God trusted them enough to allow them to be tested so severely, just to show His love, power, and mercy. Please don't misunderstand me. I NEVER would want my loved ones to go through these painful things. But they have. And God has been glorified in their lives.

I haven't seen the devastation they have. I have two beautiful, healthy children. My husband is still with me and he doesn't just love me, he adores me. He still thinks I'm beautiful, even at 294.4 pounds. I live in a nice house with two fabulous dogs and drive a decent vehicle. I attend a beautiful, God honoring church with my entire family and sing in the choir, even enjoying the opportunity to sing with our praise team occasionally.

I have it made.

How can God be glorified in that?

But I HAVE been tested! I HAVE been trusted with circumstances that God can be glorified in!
This IS it! God has allowed me to bow to my own desires until I am so entangled in this slavery that it will be OBVIOUS that freedom in only through Him! Just like He allowed His children of Israel to be held captive by Egypt so He could display His might and mighty love, he has allowed me to be held captive by my own love of sugar. This sounds terrible to the world, because of the lie that we are to be self-made success stories. But it isn't terrible at all! I am the one who has made selfish choices, but God is not surprised by this. He knew all along that He could and WOULD be glorified through me. He promised to save me from my bondage when I gave up and obeyed.

So now that I am free, I want to SING!!!

15 Then sang Moses and the children of Israel this song unto the Lord, and spake, saying, I will sing unto the Lord, for he hath triumphed gloriously: the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.
The Lord is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.
The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
Pharaoh's chariots and his host hath he cast into the sea: his chosen captains also are drowned in the Red sea.
The depths have covered them: they sank into the bottom as a stone.
Thy right hand, O Lord, is become glorious in power: thy right hand, O Lord, hath dashed in pieces the enemy.
And in the greatness of thine excellency thou hast overthrown them that rose up against thee: thou sentest forth thy wrath, which consumed them as stubble.
And with the blast of thy nostrils the waters were gathered together, the floods stood upright as an heap, and the depths were congealed in the heart of the sea.
The enemy said, I will pursue, I will overtake, I will divide the spoil; my lust shall be satisfied upon them; I will draw my sword, my hand shall destroy them.
10 Thou didst blow with thy wind, the sea covered them: they sank as lead in the mighty waters.
11 Who is like unto thee, O Lord, among the gods? who is like thee, glorious in holiness, fearful in praises, doing wonders?
12 Thou stretchedst out thy right hand, the earth swallowed them.
13 Thou in thy mercy hast led forth the people which thou hast redeemed: thou hast guided them in thy strength unto thy holy habitation.
14 The people shall hear, and be afraid: sorrow shall take hold on the inhabitants of Palestina.
15 Then the dukes of Edom shall be amazed; the mighty men of Moab, trembling shall take hold upon them; all the inhabitants of Canaan shall melt away.
16 Fear and dread shall fall upon them; by the greatness of thine arm they shall be as still as a stone; till thy people pass over, O Lord, till the people pass over, which thou hast purchased.
17 Thou shalt bring them in, and plant them in the mountain of thine inheritance, in the place, O Lord, which thou hast made for thee to dwell in, in the Sanctuary, O Lord, which thy hands have established.
18 The Lord shall reign for ever and ever.