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Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Ties that Bind

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. She is a recovering drug addict. I guess it doesn't matter how long you have been sober. You are always a recovering (fill in the blank) addict.

But what I have decided is that it also doesn't matter what your addiction is, because whatever it is, it is holding you captive.

I suppose that it's no big mystery what my addiction is. Some of us hide ours better than others, but it's really hard to hide a butt this big. Even behind a great big personality.

And sparkles.

Why is it that when I am feeling the weakest, I can't seem to stop myself from reaching for food? If there is any kind of sweet in the house I really can't resist it.

Halloween is a really hard time around here, because I don't want my kids to feel left out. So I let them participate. But then the candy in the house is obviously a bad idea for me. I can't even sleep. I dream about chocolate. or smarties. or starbursts.

Sweets seem to be my biggest downfall.

I can do without bread.
I can do without pasta.
I can do without rice.
I can even do without potatoes (for a while).

But when I give in to the craving for something sweet, I lose control. I can't get enough. It is like a drug. A little bit is just enough to make me mad.

For a while there, I was doing really good. Then I lost access to the gym. Well, truthfully, I could have gone to another, but I told myself that my gym would be back up and running soon, and it would be okay to miss a little while.

The truth was, it wasn't okay. I lost my momentum, big time.

Then I got busy getting my business up and running and it kinda ran away from me for a month. Eating on the go didn't help, because I didn't make ANY of the right choices.

Meanwhile, the chains of addiction have tightened, and I am choking.

I am afraid to get on the scale, because I don't want to know what I have done to myself. But I will do it in the morning, because it is time to face the truth. Freedom is not found in the hiding. So here I am.


1 comment:

  1. I am in the same boat. We are miserable because we know that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and we should be taking good care of them. We feel guilty because we know over eating is a sin, and because it hurts our witness. It is hard for someone to believe us when we tell them God has unlimited power when we are obviously not availing ourselves of it. I know He wants us to be free. Father, help us trust You to release us from this bondage, for Your glory, in the name of Jesus.


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