The only pie I need to be eating right now.
I told myself I wouldn't write this until I got my life back under control. I said that I had let everyone down. I knew I had let myself down, for sure. But the only one who I let down that matters is God. Sometimes we have to humble ourselves and admit we messed up.
Well, I messed up in a mighty big way.
Fifty pounds is pretty stinkin' big.
I would say I am an overachiever sometimes. I don't want to just make good choices with my diet. I want to make good choices with my exercise and my budget, and my housekeeping skills, and my child rearing, and my home schooling, and my ability to be a good wife and friend, and a great singer, and a fabulous face painter, and be a great witness, and on and on and on.
And when I realize I can't do it all, I pretty much say screw it and have a swiss cake roll. Or fourteen.
So what happened? Well, it's called a stronghold, folks. Some would call it an addiction. Others would call it another name, but it doesn't matter how you say it. I have an idol. I worship food. I worship having what my mouth or my head says I want. It isn't a sickness. It isn't a disease. It is my choice. I choose to live in the here and now instead of considering how it will affect my tomorrows.
One day a dear friend of mine was defining liberty to me. She said that if she and another driver are driving down the road, and she chooses to drive within the law, but the other driver chooses to speed, then they both pass a police officer, the other driver, who is free to choose to disobey the law, now is not free. My friend has liberty to keep driving, but the other driver will have to stop and face the consequence of his choice.
My friend, I am free to have a brownie. I am free to have the whole pan. But it doesn't take much time of living in that freedom to realize the chains of slavery that actually surround me. I am not free to play soccer with the kids at our soccer camp. I am not free to ride the roller coaster I cannot fit in. I may not even be free from heart disease, so that I can live a long life to walk beside my husband in the fall or rock my grandchildren to sleep.
Today, in spite of the fact that my house, my budget, my priorities, and my weight are a hot mess, I say I am ready. I won't even attempt to get it all straight before I commit to trying to do this. I won't lie and say I can do it at all. I know this is hard. I am not asking for congratulations or cheerleaders. I am asking for your prayers whenever I cross your mind. I struggle daily, hourly, and even sometimes by the very minute with my unwillingness to make wise choices. If God brings me to your mind, please pray that in that very minute, I will choose wisely. And if you'd like to let me know you have prayed for me, and even the specifics of your prayer, that would be a great encouragement.